


Beyond the Veil

by IHateCheddar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Dimension Travel, Gen, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Sirius Black Lives, Sirius loses his magic, Squib Sirius, Veil of Death (Harry Potter), deals with death, depending on how you look at it, muggle Sirius, or time travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-12-07 19:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20981225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHateCheddar/pseuds/IHateCheddar
Summary: We all know the story, Sirius Black died after falling into the Veil of Death... But what if Death had other plans?





	1. Chapter 1

**(I don't own Harry Potter or its Characters, only this fanfiction's plot)**

* * *

The last thing Sirius saw was a bright red light, then everything went dark.

The next time Sirius opened his eyes, he discovered he was in a white room, and everything ached. Sitting up with a groan, the reluctant Lord Black scanned the room. Where was he?

"Well well well, what do we have here?"

Sirius jumped at the sudden voice, turning quickly to come face to face with a blurry figure, if face to face was even the right expression. He'd describe them, but he wasn't even sure if there was a them. In truth, it was like looking at a rather featureless silhouette of a person, with only a wide grinning mouth to disrupt the unending white that made up their person

"I never expected to see you so soon, Sirius Orion Black. And never in such circumstances!" The thing continue, standing up to reveal to Sirius's ever-growing suspicion that the thing was shackled to a rather elaborate door.

"Where am I?" Sirius asked, shifting uncomfortably as he struggled to look at who- or what was in front of him.

"You're in the Beyond," The thing answered, almost gleefully. "A space between all worlds and all possibilities. My home."

"And you are?" Sirius asked, scowling as he struggled to remember any time he'd ever heard of this place.

"I'm known by many names by your kind," The Stranger answered vaguely. "Death, Anubis, The Reaper, Hades, Charon, but they all come back to mean the same thing in the end. I am me."

Sirius felt a cold shiver run across his skin as the words sunk in, what this thing was getting at. Who he was talking to.

"And might I say, Mr. Black," Death continued, approaching Sirius far too quickly for his own comfort. "You've gotten yourself in quite the pickle."

"I have to get back," Sirius got out, a sudden panic racing through his head, "My son- Godson, anyways- he's in danger! He needs me-"

Eyeing the only door in the room Sirius marched forwards, brushing past Death as he said, "I have to go."

"I'm afraid it isn't as simple as that, Padfoot."

Whirling around, Sirius growled, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Gesturing towards the large ornate door, Death replied, "This was made for the dead, for spirits damned and blessed alike to make their way to their eternal resting place. Just as the veil outside was created to transport spirits here to me."

"Will it take me home?" Sirius asked, almost- well, actually fuck almost he was desperate.

"If you consider the afterlife to be home, I suppose," Death replied, Sirius falling to his knees as his worst fears were confirmed.

"You know, this is a bit unprecedented. Sure, I've gotten some murderers thrown in here every now and then, but they were awake while it happened." Death laughed, "Going through fried their minds. Overloading their brains with the knowledge of the Beyond and me, but you.."

Pointing at Sirius, Death sighed wistfully, "You've always got to be the odd man out, huh? Not only was your trip completely unintentional, but you slept through all the nasty bits. Saving your life, but also robbing you of your easy out."

"What are you saying?" Sirius asked, looking up at Death with a scowl. "Can I get back to my family or not?"

"I'm saying you can, but it will cost you."

Death spread their arms out wide, the shackles clanging as they said, "See, I've been put in a bit of a time-out ever since I ran a little too wild in 1945. If I had free-range, I could just let you out."

"So you want me to free you then?" Sirius asked, eyebrows forwarding. "No offense, but I don't trust you that much."

Laughing, a loud, almost mocking laugh Death wiped an invisible tear from their nonexistent eye. "No, I couldn't ask that if I wanted to. As if a human could.." breaking off again Death doubled over, the sheer ludicrousy of it!

Scowling, Sirius got to his feet. "Well what are you suggesting then?"

Collecting themselves, Death grinned ever wider. "It's obvious, isn't it? You are a man so accustomed to your ability to bend reality, you don't even realize the potential you have here."

Walking forwards, Death settled their hand on Sirius's shoulder. Ignoring how the human man shivered when his cold skin, without a single drop of blood flowing through, made contact with him.

Leaning forwards, Death whispered, "I want your magic."

Sirius's teeth audibly clenched. Pulling away from the entity as he wrapped his thin arms around himself protectively.

"My magic?" he asked incredulously, "You want me to become a squib?"

"Yep," Death confirmed. "No more spells, brewing, or turning into that furry mutt. Completely muggle, you'll be."

"But without my magic how will I-?"

"You'll have your fists and your sharp mind." Death tapped their own temple. "And most importantly you'll have your Godson."

"But.." Sirius stuttered, the idea of it made him sick.

"It's really the only way, Sir," Death lamented, walking around the room as they explained mournfully, "I'll need a boost in my powers if I'm to send you back to Earth, and really, are you that two-faced that you'd rather die and abandon all your friends than live without magic?"

"What? Of course not!" Sirius shouted indignantly, face turning red. "I just don't want to be completely helpless- A burden on everyone."

"You're not thinking of their emotional well-being, Black." Death chided, tucking Sirius's hair behind his ear- when had he gotten so close?

"They'll all be absolutely crushed without you," Death continued. "Dear Harry's been through so much- he's going to blame himself, you know. If he had been stronger at occlumency, Tom Riddle would have never been able to use you to lure him out."

"That's ridiculous!" Sirius said, shaking his head. "It's not Harry's fault Snape is a God awful teacher. Or that I was... What did you call Voldemort?"

"Tom Riddle, the name his mother gave him before her death." Death explained. "It's a shame the fate of those two boys, really."

"Harry will win," Sirius insisted, "Even if I'm not there, he'll-"

"The way things are going, I say he'll kill himself before his eighteenth birthday."

The color drained from Sirius's face, "You're lying.. You're just trying to make me agree!"

"I'm giving you all the information," Death corrected. "Your Godson will kill himself, whether from grief over your death or from a moral obligation remains to be seen. It's really too early to tell."

"Harry's stronger than to end himself over me being a dumbass," Sirius insisted, "And what kind of moral obligation could possibly cause him to think it a right idea to do... To do that!"

"Being a horcrux would do it. Tom Riddle's horcrux to be exact." Death explained, the smile eerily misplaced with ugliness of what they just said.

Sirius felt something inside him break, crumbling to the floor as he tried to argue it- but he couldn't. It all made sense in a sickening second; Harry always reeking of Dark Magic, the boy's ability to talk to snakes, and his strange connection with Voldemort.

Dumbledore had always brushed off his inquiries on these things, but if he knew as much as Sirius thought he knew, then that man had been preparing Harry to send him off to die.

"Take my magic."

"Are you sure, Sirius?" Death asked, smile ever-present.

Glaring, Sirius said, "I'm not letting my Godson die. It's my job to protect him, and I'll give anything to see him succeed."

Death gently took both of Sirius's hands, and Sirius was off-put by how warm they were. "So we're clear, then? Your magic in exchange of getting out of here?"

"So that I can save my godson's life," Sirius nodded, setting his jaw. "Do it."

A hot flash erupted through Sirius's body, his veins glowing. The light was unlike anything Sirius had ever seen, and was best compared to the light of the Patronus charm. The light, he realized, was leaving him- flowing towards his hands and collecting in his palms, in Death's hands.

"I'll see you soon, pet."

A flash blinded him, and Sirius felt like everything had gone cold; something inside him being severed- snatched away as everything faded to black…

...And then, he woke up.


	2. Not in Kansas Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius wakes up

**(I don't own Harry Potter or its characters, only this fanfiction's plot)**

Sirius blinked several times before sitting up with a groan, stopping short as his gaze focused around him. He was in bed, his old bed. Back at that flat he had lived in before Azkaban.

"Ah, you're synced in, then?" A voice asked, somewhere across the room.

Sirius whipped his head around only to come face to face with himself. The thing wearing his face had an eerily familiar grin, stretched far too wide.

"You.. What the hell are _you _doing here?" Sirius demanded, Death laughing delightedly as he growled.

"I would have thought it obvious. It _was_ part of our arrangement, after all."

Seeing the lack of light bulbs going off in Sirius's head, Death shook their head in mock-pity, "Your magic in exchange of getting out of the Beyond. I never specified _you_ were the only one leaving."

"You said you didn't want me to free you!" Sirius shouted, pointing an accusing finger in Death's direction. "Was everything you said a lie? Was Harry even in danger to begin with?"

"Now now, Sirius." Death chided, wagging their finger in a mock-scolding way. "I said you _couldn't_ free me, not that I was content to sit in that empty room with only passing souls as company."

Spreading their arms out, Death continued, "I've told you nothing but the truth, I needed your magic to escape, and with said freedom to take you along on this extended vacation."

Grumbling, Sirius crossed his arms, "Do you _have_ to wear my face?"

Shrugging, Death twisted a bit of long black hair around their finger, "It's not like you're using it."

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Just about what you'd think."

Suddenly, Death disappeared. Reappearing seconds later beside Sirius on the bed, earning a yelp from the human man.

"Don't do that!" Sirius shrieked indignantly, "You'll give me a heart attack."

"You forget who you're talking to," Death reminded, offering Sirius a mirror.

"The full agreement was to bring you back so you could save your Godson," Death explained, "But there isn't really a way to save him if he's a Horcrux, is there? Not without me having to get directly involved, anyways."

"Where are we?" Sirius whispered, staring at his reflection numbly.

"Your old flat I believe," Death answered with their usual grin, "I thought about having us talk this out in the woods, but I realised you probably wouldn't be able to get back in here if I did that, what with all your anti-muggle wards."

"That's not what I meant," Turning to meet Death's eyes-- _his eyes _really, if you thought about it. "And you bloody well know it."

"Well, think." Death gestured towards the open air and a little chart appeared, with all the given information Death had given him. "I've already told you that I've taken you somewhere before Harry Potter became a horcrux, so that means..?"

Sirius's eyes widened considerably, "You've.. You've.."

Sirius sat back, wincing as he leaned against the headboard. For a few minutes he just stared at Death. It wasn't possible, surely it wasn't.

"Is.." Sirius finally managed to croak out, "Is Jamie really alive? Lily?"

"Well it'd be a bit weird if they weren't, hm?" Death grinned, "Think of it as a small favor, for keeping your old skin."

Feeling tears well up in his eyes Sirius laughed wetly, burying his face in his hands.

This had to be a dream. He was going to wake up, back in Grimmauld's Place, BuckBeak eating his hair, Sirius was sure of it.

There was just no way. No way _any_ of this was possible.

It just couldn't be.

* * *

Sirius munched on his cereal, staring at Death warily. He hadn't woken up yet, and two hours post his last meltdown he started to realize he probably wasn't going to.

"I realize you'll want to head over soon," Death said, "But I'd grab all your important stuff first."

"Hm?" Sirius murmured, face full of the Cheerios. Looking over at Death, who had taken up residence of his counter, he couldn't help but once again shake his head at the absurdity of it all.

"Remember? Anti-muggle wards still work on squibs."

"Oh.." Sirius blinked, swallowing. "Right, I'll.. I have to come up with a way to explain that. _Shit."_

Death chuckled. "Do you even have a plan?"

"I'm thinking I'm just going to wing it," Sirius muttered, face heating as he heard a loud cackle coming from the god in his kitchen.

"Wing it?" Death breathed out, "Once in a lifetime opportunity, and you're winging it?"

"Well what else am I to do?" Sirius asked incredulously, "I can't fight, so most of the information I had is pretty useless. Too much will be different."

Death shrugged, "Still, you know _some _unavoidables, don't you?"

"Peter betraying us," Sirius nodded. "Along with some others. But that's less of a plan and more of a hit list."

Smirking, Death folded their hands in their lap. "Sounds like a plan from where I'm from."

Suddenly, the front door slammed open. Sirius could hear a familiar voice shouting, "Padfoot it's time, get you're lazy arse up--"

Blinking, Sirius exchanged a look with with Death. Smirking, the entity put their pointer finger to their lips before disappearing with a slight pop, promptly abandoning Sirius to deal with this on his own.

Sirius had felt like he'd prepared himself, but he still felt like his lungs had given way when James Potter-- _his _James Potter-- waltz into his kitchen, well... More like rushed in like a chicken who had just had their head hacked off, but details smetails.

"There you are," James breathed, "I'm surprised-- but glad, mind you-- that you're up this early, come on I really don't know what I'm doing."

Sirius took a generous moment to swallow his food, along with the lump in his throat, before he asked. "What's going on?'

James gawked at him, sputtering for a moment before he stopped, glaring as he said. "That's not funny! Stop messing around or Lily will have our heads."

So this had to do with Lily then? Sirius couldn't remember what this was from, but by the state of his brother he couldn't imagine it was very good. Could it be his fault? Had he not shown up for an order mission and gotten her hurt?

James had seemed to take his instant cold panic as understanding of the situation, as he dragged him by the arm (nearly making him drop his poor cereal) into his room before magicking up a suitcase.

"I'll take you're night wear-- actually no you take it, I'm not sure what you put in there-- well actually.."

"James," Sirius said, gently setting his hand on his solid and _warm_ shoulder. "I'll get my sleep wear, you grab me some robes. It's going to be fine, alright?"

Giving a shaky nod James ran a hand through his wild hair _just like he always did _before letting himself relax some. "You're right, I know you are. It's just scary, Merlin I can't even imagine how Lily is feeling.."

Again the question of _What the fuck could possibly be going on _rang through his head, but Sirius said nothing and instead flashed James a smile before setting to work on packing his things.

Why did he need to pack his things? Sirius had no idea. It comforted him some that James was over here doing this, it meant Lily was in no life-threatening danger.

"What's the date again?" Sirius asked, hoping to just sound conversational.

"Thursday."

"No-- that's not what I.. I meant date as in date."

James chuckled, "Right, that's a bit important isn't it? It's the thirty-first."

Sirius didn't react at first but then he realized and it felt like his heart had just dropped into his stomach, there was no fucking way..

"July?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound as caught off guard as he felt.

James gave a nod, swallowing thickly as he started absentmindedly pulling at Sirius's brush. "Strange, isn't it? Today I'm, well, not a dad, tomorrow I am.. I still can't hardly believe it."

Sirius stared at him, his brother, who was only _twenty years old _and having a near fright over having his baby. Harry, who he'd already held, loved, cooed at, and lost.

_Harry_. Brave, beautiful, cunning _Harry,_ who he'd let down time and time again.

He felt Death should've given him some sort of warning, how was he supposed to deal with this Any of it, really.

* * *

**Here's the next chapter :)**

**I did delete this for a few days if anyone is wondering what happened, and it's just I had another idea for the story and then decided it didn't really go anywhere like this one did. I have next chapter written, so if you guys wanna see it let me know**


	3. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is born for the second time

**(I don't own Harry Potter or it's characters, only this fanfiction's plot)**

* * *

With the lack of response, James turned back towards Sirius, to see he had gone quite slack-jawed. "What? Is something wrong?"

Shaking his head Sirius quickly collected himself, "Nothing, I just had my days mixed up is all."

James seemed to buy that, or at least was too stressed out to care how fucking unlikely that was to get such a reaction from him.

At least Sirius knew _why_ they were packing now. It just made sense for him to stay with them for a few days after Harry was born, considering he was the only one of their immediate friends who'd even held a baby before.

Granted, those 'few days' had turned into a few weeks. Sirius hadn't minded, of course. He loved Harry and loved helping James and Lily learn the correct way to keep him alive.

When James felt satisfied that Sirius had enough clothes for his extended stay at the Potters (and Sirius had snuck in a few more extra sets of robes, should things turn out the same way they had last time) he laced their fingers together and Sirius felt a familiar sharp pull in his gut, and suddenly his visioned warped and turned black. Then, he was standing in a little village, in front of a vacant lot.

James pulled him along, completely oblivious to the fact his friend had become very pale. Sirius was thankful that James kept holding his hand, otherwise he might not have been able to get in without having a rather uncomfortable conversation.

It was weird, suddenly he was in an empty plot of land, and then he was in the walkway of a lovely little cottage.

"Where.. Where's Lily?" Sirius asked hesitantly, almost not trusting his voice to work properly.

"She's should be upstairs.." James bit his lip, "Could she move? I know you said Andy walked around quite a bit, but Lily seemed pretty uncomfortable when I left. I'm an arse for leaving, aren't I?"

Sirius sighed, "You're not, Lily wanted me here just as much as you. I'll go check on her, alright? Have you flooed The healer yet?"

James paled, "Oh Merlin I'm such a terrible--"

"Hey, look at me." Sirius said gently, setting his hands on James's shoulders, hoping to ground him some. "You're doing fine. Trust me, Ted wasn't doing much better when Dora was born. Just go floo the healer, alright?"

James nodded, biting his lip anxiously.

Sirius gave James a kiss on the forehead before turning to hurry up the stairs. Stopping just short of the door.

_You can do this_, he told himself. _You can_

Opening the door, he peeked his head in. "May I come in?"

Lily was on the bed, red-faced with her hair sticking to her cheek rather messily. She was wearing a pink nightgown, but Sirius doubted there was much underneath it.

Rolling her eyes she said, "No, I just invited you to the birth of my child so you could stand outside the door like a knob."

Smiling, Sirius shuffled inside, closing the door behind himself.

Looking him over she smirked, "James really dragged you out of bed, then?"

"Huh?" Looking down Sirius realized he was in nothing but his pants and an old over-sized nightshirt he'd probably stolen from James.

Flushing he gave a shrug, "I like to think we're beyond modesty at this point."

Laughing, Lily sat up a bit, "That doesn't really answer the question."

Sirius shook his head, walking over. "I was already up, actually. When did your contractions start?"

Wincing, Lily rubbed at her swollen belly, "About 4 hours ago, I didn't realize I was in labor at first."

"Thought it was Braxton Hicks?"

"Yeah," Leaning against him, Lily sighed. "You think I'm an idiot."

"Not at all," Smiling, Sirius gently settled his hand on her stomach. "It's not like you'd know what it feels like to have a baby."

Lily didn't seem to convinced, but instead of starting an argument she asked, "Is James doing alright?"

"He's stressed and floundering some, but he'll settle down after James Junior is here."

Lily scoffed at the name, "Please don't start _that_ argument again."

"Have you two _really_ not settled on a name?"

Shrugging, Lily looked at her stomach. "We have a few names, but what's the point if he doesn't fit the ones we like?"

Sirius smiled, remembering she had said almost the exact same thing last time.

"Didn't you wanna give him a muggle name?"

Lily shrugged, "Well, no offense, I don't want him being made fun of because the other kids can't say his own name correctly."

Sirius shrugged, "None taken, it's not like I'm particularly fond of wizarding names anyways."

Or that he wanted them to use one. It'd be a bit awkward if they named Harry Hadrian or some other rubbish, wouldn't it?

It wasn't long before James came up with the healer, a thin grouchy looking woman who went by the surname Cenchen.

Healer Cenchen had nearly given Sirius a heart attack before he remembered _he__ wasn't a felon anymore._

"Your husband tells me your contractions started a few hours ago, Mrs. Potter. How far apart have they been?"

"I'm.. I'm not sure." Lily admitted, "Was I suppose to be counting?"

Lip curling some, Cenchen said. "I presume you didn't bother with birthing classes, then?"

"Well in case you haven't noticed, Voldemort is kind of after her," Sirius said, effectively shifting the healer's irritation on him. "So I'd hardly call that her fault."

Cenchen glared at Sirius before shifting her attention back to James, seeming a bit more pleasant as she explained. "In that case, I will need to see how far she's dilated, this involves a cervical exam."

James shrugged, "Do what you have to do, I won't get in the way."

"I was more or less letting you know you might want this other man out of the room for a little bit." Cenchen said, emphasizing the 'other' part.

"Oh, _oh."_ James said, realizing why she was saying that. "Sirius is my brother, and he can't see much over there, can he? We've already talked about it, and no one cares."

"I see," Cenchen said, though her voice was a bit tighter than before. "I suppose we should get started then."

* * *

Sirius couldn't help but just stare.

Harry was incredibly tiny, especially compared to the teenage boy he was so used to.

Gently touching his little foot, Sirius choked back a sob. So fucking _tiny._

James was grinning like an idiot, an arm around Lily as she held him up against her chest, looking like she'd just ran a marathon.

"He's perfect," Sirius finally managed, looking up to meet his brother's eyes. "Absolutely perfect. I can't believe you two actually made him."

"Oh jeez, thanks a lot." James said, rolling his eyes.

"You know I didn't mean it like that," Sirius said, earning a laugh from James.

"I think it's sweet," Lily said, smiling up at Sirius, obviously still a bit high off of the pain potions. "Like he's so angelic he couldn't possibly be from a couple of humans."

"Exactly," Sirius smiled, glad drunk-Lily was on his level. "Have you two thought of any good names?"

James shrugged, looking back down at his son. "I dunno, he looks like he should have an H in his name."

"Maybe Harrison?" Lily asked, gently running her finger over the light, patchy turfs of hair on her son's head.

"Nah, a bit too long, don't you think?"

"Wasn't you're grandfather named Henry?" Sirius asked, suddenly remembering the role he'd played in this the first time around.

"Oh yeah, I didn't really know him, but dad used to tell me stories about him all the time."

Lily smiled, "How about Harry?"

Kissing her forehead, James murmured, "It's perfect." Into her hair and Sirius felt things might just go alright.

* * *

**Another chapter, do you guys like this series? Should I actually make it one?**

**I thought about it and I like to think Sirius would be close enough to Lily and James to be there for Harry being born, at least being at the head of the bed with Lily.**

**I think there must have been a reason why Sirius was chosen as Harry's godfather, which is probably he was just the best with kids. Dora was born around the time he was in Hogwarts and was having problems with his family, so it's not inconceivable that he visited and got to learn how to take care of her during Christmas or the weekends**

**No Death in this chapter :( they'll be around again, just not right ** **now**


	4. Winging it Badly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is trying, okay?

**(I don't own Harry Potter or its characters, only this fanfiction's plot)**

* * *

"What are you doing?" James asked, walking into the kitchen with a yawn.

Sirius looked over, adjusting Harry in his arms, "We're making breakfast. Is that alright? I know you said you wanted my help--"

"Mate, you made breakfast." James laughed, "I can only get so mad about that."

Sirius turned his head away, yelping slightly when Harry reached out and grabbed a handful of his hair.

James's eyes lit up with glee, "Aw, I think he likes ya Padfoot."

"Shush," Sirius said, waving James away. Moving Harry up so he wasn't in danger of ripping a chunk of his scalp off. "You're just jealous."

"Can't argue with you there."

James grabbed a mug out, filling it with some coffee beans and water before flicking his wand, turning it into a piping hot cup of coffee.

Sipping on it, James leaned against the counter with a grin, "I'll never understand why you cook without your wand."

"It makes it taste better," Sirius said, repeating the same words his grandmother used to say. "It's why neither of you two can cook anything more than pasta."

"Or we just don't have your Hufflepuff genes charming every morsel we touch," James joked, laughing as Sirius glared at him. "I still can't get over that, you know."

"You're just jealous you're not related to a founder," Sirius sneered, holding his head up haughtily for a solid five seconds before both he and James broke down into a fit of giggles.

"Alright," James said, setting his cup down. "Give me my baby, I haven't seen him all day."

"Because you just opened your eyes." Sirius said, handing the newborn over with a roll of his eyes, "Is Lily doing alright?"

Awkwardly maneuvering Harry into his arms, James gave a shrug. "She's still asleep, but she's peaceful."

Harry gave a yawn, nuzzling against his father, earning a smile from James.

Sirius watched them for a moment, before going back to stirring the porridge, "He really is perfect, you know."

"He is, isn't he?" James gently brushed his dark hair, "I wonder what he'll look like when he's older."

"I imagine he'll look like you, maybe with Lily's eyes." Sirius said, knowing full well that _was_ what Harry would look like.

James gave a laugh, "Just like me, eh? I dunno, I think it'd give Minnie a heart attack to have a mini-me tramping around Hogwarts again."

Sirius shrugged, starting to pull the bowls out manually, "I think hearing the name 'Potter' will earn a bit of anxiety regardless, Jamie."

"Not if he takes after Lily, you know no one can stay mad at her long." James said, before raising an eyebrow. "Why are you doing that?"

"What?" Sirius asked, nearly dropping the bowl. "I'm making breakfast, remember? You said it was fine, I mean.. I can stop--"

"Woah, Padfoot, relax." James set a hand on Sirius's shoulder, surprised to feel how fast his brother's heart was racing. "it's just me, remember? You're safe."

Sirius settled his hand over James's, leaning into his touch maybe a little too much. It just felt nice to have contact with him, to feel the warmth coming off of his skin..

"Sirius?"

Jumping, Sirius shook his head, shrugging away. "It's nothing, I.. I don't want to burn this."

Sirius started setting about filling the bowls by hand, ignoring the further perplexed looks his long-dead friend was giving him.

"Here," Sirius said, setting James's food on the counter, "I can hold him while you eat."

James raised an eyebrow, "You aren't eating anything?"

Sirius blinked, before blushing. "I don't need much, plus I'd rather hold him anyways."

James didn't argue, as he could force him to eat later. Smiling as he watched Sirius settle his son against his chest, kissing the boy on the forehead.

Sitting at the table, he shamelessly moaned when he tucked into his porridge. "Merlin.."

"Is it okay?" Sirius asked, feeling his anxiety spike again. He hadn't cooked in so long..

"Sirius you're amazing," James laughed, shaking his head. "I know we joke about the Hufflepuff magic, but I'm serious when I say it's a bit unnatural."

Sirius rolled his eyes, sitting on the table. "If you would only apply yourself a little.."

"I do!" James insisted, cheeks puffing out. "I even tried that weird 'no wand' thing, but I just can't match you."

Sirius smiled, the sight of his friend pouting like a child surprisingly struck him as 'cute'-- granted, he was a lot older than James now.

"I sent a Patronus to Rem and Wormy," James said, switching the subject. "Wormy hasn't answered back yet, but Remus said he'd come over around dinner time tomorrow to meet Harry."

Sirius had stopped listening as soon as 'Wormy' left his brother's lips, feeling like he had dosed his very blood with a toxic substance that no bezoar could cure. The things he'd do to that man when he saw him, Harry's wishes be damned..

"Mate?" James asked, not even bothering to hide his concern.

"I think--" Sirius began, before cutting himself off. How could he? James just had a baby and was probably happier than he ever would be again, and here he was about to waltz in with Death Eater accusations when he just gave Peter his coordinates.

That, that made Sirius pause. Why hadn't Peter turned them in the first time around? He... Sirius supposed it were possible he just wasn't a Death Eater yet, or a very committed one anyways. Or it's possible Voldemort hadn't actually been after Harry in the beginning, and Dumbledore had told his honorary siblings to hide as a precaution..

"Were you up all night with Harry or something?" James asked, getting up to feel Sirius's forehead. "You're acting strange."

"No I'm not!" Sirius huffed, swatting him away.

"That didn't answer the question," James deadpanned, raising his eyebrows in a rather unimpressed way.

"Well.." Sirius shrugged, "Can you blame me? I love him, I want.. I want to make sure he's safe is all."

Wasn't a total lie, though the real reason Sirius hadn't slept was because.. Well, because no matter how different his situation was, he'd still spent twelve years in Azkaban, and his subconscious never forgot.

"That's it, you're going to bed." Taking Harry back, James made a vague gesture towards the living room, where he had transfigured the couch into a nice bed for his brother. "Not going to hear one word against it."

"Okay," Sirius said, feeling his eyes droop some. "On one condition."

James raised his eyebrow, "Hm?"

"I.." Sirius felt his face flush, he knew it would be okay. James was very tactile, but he still felt uncomfortable asking.

"I want you to stay with me," Sirius finally got out, chewing his lip. "Like, lay down with me and stuff."

"That all the nerves are for?" James laughed, "Merlin you act like you're a sixteen years old girl asking me to a muggle prom. Come on, let's cuddle."

Sirius face reddened, earning another laugh from James-- it was a bit weird to see it when Sirius wasn't angry, if he were honest.

Walking into the living room, James first had Sirius lie down, so he could lay Harry on his stomach. Then laid down beside them, wrapping an arm around Sirius's waist.

Sirius hesitated for a moment before laying his head against James's chest, closing his eyes as he listened to the steady rhyme of his brother's heart.

* * *

**Happy Halloween :D hope you all had a fun time! Wanted to upload this yesterday, but didn't have time :( I hope you like it though! Let me know what you guys ** **think**


	5. Wringing it Not so Badly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus meets Harry

**(I don't own Harry Potter or its characters, just this fanfiction's plot)**

* * *

Sirius felt a certain amount of strangeness when he saw Remus, considering he actually knew what he had become later in life.

This Remus was young, without a single grey hair in his sandy brown hair, and his amber eyes were still filled with the same fire it had when they were in school. In short, he was not only happy, but he looked it.

Sirius made a silent vow to keep him like that.

Currently, Remus was sitting across from Lily (who was still in bed) and was being formally introduced to the two-day-old baby.

"This is your Uncle Remus," Lily said, looking quite a bit better after her small coma. "Though you could also call him Uncle Moony- he won't mind, even if he says he does."

"I suppose it'll be easier for him to say," Remus said, smiling down at the boy. "His name is Harry, you said?"

"Harry James," Sirius piped up, grinning at the roll of the eye that got from Lily. "We talked Lily into it, seeing as it _is_ tradition."

"Yes well," Lily said, adjusting her son. "I don't want to hear one peep outta any of you when we name our first daughter after a flower, seeing as that's _my_ family's tradition."

Sirius felt his heart clench at that. They never got to have their daughter, did they? In fact, they never got to have any children aside from Harry, and even then they barely got to raise him.

"Well he's very cute," Remus said, unaware of how pale Sirius had gotten. Gently brushing the tiny boy's hair back, or what hair he had anyways, Remus went on to say, "He'll probably take after James a bit, I think. His hair's already dark."

"I dunno," Lily said, "It might lighten up, my father was blond as a child."

Sirius snickered, imagining Harry with red hair. He supposed it wouldn't look _bad_ so much as really fucking strange, though it would help him blend in with Molly's brood better...

"Yeah but does it work the other way around?" Remus asked, eyeing the black turfs a little disbelievingly.

"Well he's got to have _something_ from me," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Otherwise James might as well have had a kid with himself."

"Sirius thinks he'll have your eyes," James spoke up, walking into the room with some glasses of lemonade floating around him. "But look like me in every other way."

Lily raised her eyebrows, "Really? How come?"

"Well.." Sirius began, not having expected to have to actually think of a reasoning for this. "His eyes are really blue if you look at them, so I just don't think they'll darken enough to be like James's.. and he's a guy, so chances are he'll look like Jamie no matter what other features he has."

"That's a little more thought out than I expected," Remus said, Sirius relaxing some before he asked, "Have you just been thinking this over a lot?"

"Well, no.." Sirius said, before shrugging, "Maybe? I couldn't sleep after he was born, or last night.. So I had nothing better to do than hang out with him."

James scowled, setting the glasses down. "Haven't we've been over this? You're going to make yourself sick."

"What can I say? Insomnia is not something I can help."

"Not when you're keeping yourself up," James crossed his arms. "You slept fine yesterday morning, so don't act like it's medical."

Sirius shrugged, "Sorry, I just rather not."

"You need your rest! Do I have to-"

James stopped short, and judging by the look on his face, he had came to the same conclusion he had at some point the last time it was the eighties.

"Merlin I'm becoming mum.." James groaned, falling back against the bed dramatically.

"I could have told you that in fifth year when you nursed me back to health," Sirius joked, smirking just like he used to.

"Or in third year when you found out about me being a werewolf, and you promptly started fretting over me like I was made of glass." Laughing, Remus shook his head at the memory. James had almost been a little _too_ nice about it.

James, for his part, glared. "You two are the worst.."

Sirius smiled, kicking off the wall to lay beside James on the bed, "You love us for it, and you know it."

Wrapping an arm around Sirius, James gave a sigh. He wasn't wrong.

* * *

Sirius walked with Remus through Godrics Hollow, heading for the local shops to pick up some dinner.

This was the first time Sirius had dared leave the Potters House, as he already knew he wouldn't be able to get in without some sort of assistance. But now Remus was here, so he could grab onto his shirt or something whenever they had to head back home.

The trees and houses were a welcomed sight to a man who had previously been locked away for over a decade, the people smiling and waving even more so. Sirius reminded once again that no one thought of him as a killer.

"Lily says she'd like to have chicken tonight," Remus said, promptly breaking Sirius from his thoughts. "Do you think you'll be okay to make that?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "What do you take me for? I could make just about anything she asks, should the stores accommodate the ingredients I'd need."

"Alright, why don't you make that pain bread if you _must_ have a challenge."

"It's _Pain au __chocolat__!"_ Sirius sneered, slipping easily into a French accent to further emphasis Remus's horrible rendition of the pastry's name. "And it's _not_ difficult, but I'll make it anyways. I don't remember the last time I had it."

_Probably sometime before Azkaban_, Sirius reflected, which immediately depressed him.

This was the only thing about being a squib Sirius had found solace in, he'd never have to worry about going back. Muggle prison might suck, but it had nothing on Azkaban.

"Sirius?" Remus said, sounding a bit concerned. Fuck, he must have spaced out.

Sirius laughed awkwardly, not bothering to avoid his amber eyes. He knew Remus wasn't a legilimen.

"Sorry," Sirius said, "Did you say something?"

Shaking his head, Remus smirked. "Nothing important. Harry's already damaging your poor little puppy ears then?"

"Nah, he's an angel. His parents, on the other hand, are quite the screamers."

Remus sighed, shaking his head in false-pity, "James is lifting weights again, then?"

Sirius actually laughed at that, because Merlin's tits it's been far too long since Remus actually _joked_ with him. He had become far too serious for it after all that had happened, not that Sirius really blamed him.

"But seriously," Remus said, dropping his smile. "Are you alright? You haven't had circles like that since.. Well, since you left _them."_

Ah, Remus was always so perceptive.

"I'm just.." Sirius sighed, glancing over to the streets, at the kids playing. "I'm scared. I... Did Jamie and Lily tell you why they had to go into hiding?"

"Aside from the fact Lily's muggleborn and is 'tainting a perfectly good pureblood family'?" Remus asked, "No, just that Dumbledore advised it. Why?"

Shaking his head, Sirius breathed a sigh. "I.. I just have a bad feeling. I'm just torturing myself is all."

Remus's eyes narrowed, "You're sure there's nothing going on?"

"Well.." Sirius stopped, this could be his chance to mention his 'no magic' thing, but he still felt awful for it. Everyone was so happy right now, how could he just ruin it?

"I just heard some stuff is all, it's nothing to worry about right now." Sirius said instead, lacing their fingers before tugging Remus along, "Come on, I'll never get dinner started if we take all day."

"Yeah, okay." Remus said, which told Sirius all he needed about how little he believed him.


	6. The Lies We Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter comes to visit

**(I don't own Harry Potter or its characters, only this fanfiction's plot)**

* * *

Sirius watched Peter like a hawk, which was made all the more accurate with the fat little man's current life expectancy.

Right now, Sirius had no way of inconspicuously checking whether or not Peter had the mark. Though, then came the question of whether Voldemort would really be as ballsy as to put such an obvious tell on his undercover men.

Considering most were completely unaware of the Dark Mark being branded on the left arm of any and all Death Eaters, and the Dark Lord's blatant disregard for his followers well being, Sirius was banking on a yes.

Peter seemed particularly uncomfortable holding Harry, more so than Remus had been at first. Sirius supposed the way he was currently glowering at him from afar like an angry mother bear wasn't helping matters; but considering the self-restraint Sirius showed by not grabbing a kitchen knife and twisting it into Peter's gut the moment he saw him, Sirius considered his current behavior saintly.

"Can you _please_ stop looking at me like I'm going to make him explode?" Peter finally asked, sounding in equal parts annoyed and scared. "I'm already terrified of dropping him and you're _really_ not helping."

"Big, grumpy Uncle Sirius is just being a bit overprotective," James laughed, nudging Sirius in the ribs. "Big softie practically guards him all night, if I didn't know better I'd say Siri wanted to steal him."

Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes away from Peter so he could at least pretend he wasn't pissed off by his sheer presence. "As much as Harry makes me long for children, I haven't resorted to kidnapping just yet. Give me a few more years though.."

"The Weasley's do seem to pop one out every year," Lily grinned, "I'm sure they wouldn't miss one or two."

Sirius smiled, memories of Ron and Harry passed out over cold mugs of hot chocolate filling his weary mind. "Yeah, they are quite a large family. They're my cousins, you know."

"Everyone's your cousin, mate."

"Yes, but we're close." Sirius said, counting on his fingers as he said, "Molly's Uncle married my Aunt, so we're cousins through that marriage, and my Great Aunt Cedrella married Septimus Weasley, making Arthur Weasley my first cousin once removed."

Peter blinked, "How do you even keep track of that?"

"Genealogy lessons," Sirius said, "Helps me in my noble quest of not marrying any close relatives, at least."

"How is that going?" James asked, "Last time you brought a girl 'round mum and dad were still on your case about your hair."

Sirius shrugged, avoiding James's eye. "I just don't want a relationship right now."

James frowned, but didn't push the matter as Harry started to cry. This gave Sirius a perfectly valid excuse to rescue the lad from Peter's Death Eater hide.

"Hey there little guy, the big ugly traitor scared you, huh?" He whispered under his breath, in French of course. Sirius wasn't an idiot.

Lily scowled, "Sirius, as much as I love you if my child's first words are in another language I will hurt you."

Sirius smiled, "Come on, love. It wouldn't be that big of a deal."

"I dunno," James said. "I'm not sure if I like the idea of you two being able to have secret conversations, it'll make it harder to keep you from corrupting him."

Sirius out his hand to his chest, pretending to look hurt as he readjusted Harry. "I wouldn't think of doing such a thing to sweet, innocent Harry. Do you really think so little of me?"

Rolling his eyes, James walked over and took Harry while he said, "I simply know you, Padfoot. If you had your way my kid will never give me or Lily any rest when he's old enough to start pranking."

Sirius smirked, "You say that like it's a bad thing."

* * *

Sirius was leaning against the rails of Harry's crib, watching his little chest rise and fall. Silently waiting for the little boy to stir again.

"You really do sit and watch my son all night, huh?" Lily asked, nearly giving Sirius a heart attack.

"I.." Sirius's eyes shifted, not meeting hers. "I can't sleep. Least I can do something productive in here.."

Lily walked over, settling besides Sirius as she said, "You know, you're a terrible liar."

"What?"

Lily looked at him, noting again he wasn't looking her in the eye. "What's bothering you? You've been off for a while now, and you really freaked Peter out when he was here."

Sirius set his jaw, looking down at Harry as he muttered, "It's nothing."

"Don't give me that shit," Lily scowled, "We both know it's not 'nothing' if I'm noticing it, now out with it."

"I.. I just don't want to upset you," Sirius whispered, his fists clenching. "I can handle it."

"Siri, look at me."

Sirius audibly swallowed before meeting her eyes, and Lily was shocked to find she could read his surface thoughts. They were jumbled- frantic almost. Saying more about just how stressed her brother was than words could ever justify.

"Your occulemency shields-"

Sirius's eyes widened and his mind screamed PANIC before he turned his head away, "Sorry.. I.. I'm sorry."

"Siri, what's going on?" Lily whispered, laying her hand on his shoulder. "You're scaring me."

"Just go back to sleep," He croaked, "I don't want to worry you."

"Well it's too late for that," Lily huffed. "Sirius whatever noble reason you have concocted in your head that's telling you you can't talk to us, it's bullshit."

"I just don't want to upset you," Sirius repeated, his voice shaky.

Lily sighed, "Dorcas died a few days ago."

Sirius head snapped up, looking just past Lily's eyes as he said, "I'm so sorry-"

"Don't." Lily said, holding her hand up, "I've already cried about it, I didn't tell you so we could mourn her. My point is that we're at war, you can't shield us from that. So stop trying to be selfless and tell me what's wrong."

Sirius didn't say anything for a moment, and Lily wondered if he were going to at all until, "I have been having.. I think something's wrong with me."

Lily raised an eyebrow, "Care to elaborate?"

Sighing, Sirius ran a hand through his hair, looking very tired. "I can't do any magic. I've tried, but nothing works. It's scaring the hell out of me."

Whatever Lily had been expecting, that wasn't it. Her mind blanked for a second, and she briefly wondered if Sirius was messing with her.

Suddenly, Sirius pulled out his wand. "Lumos," he cast out, but nothing happened. He tried again, and again, but still nothing happened.

"See? Nothing." Sirius grumbled, shoving his wand back in its holster. "I can't even turn into Padfoot anymore.."

"Okay, get your robes on," Lily said, standing up as she started heading for the door. "Meet me in the kitchen in three minutes."

"Wait what?" Sirius asked, "Why do you want me to-?"

"We're going to St. Mungo's," Lily explained, ignoring the fleeting panic that flickered across her brother's face. "This could be really serious- how long have you been hiding this?"

"A little over a week," Sirius admitted. "It's probably nothing.."

Lily glared at him, "This isn't nothing- and I won't hear one more word against it!"

Waving her wand, Lily summoned Sirius's overnight bag, tossing it to him before he could dare utter another protest. He _was_ going to the hospital, whether he likes it or not.


	7. St. Mungo's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is getting help whether he wants it or not

**(I don't own Harry Potter or its characters, only this fanfiction's plot)**

* * *

St. Mungo's was always packed, but it was downright ridiculous with the war going on.

Healers and nurses rushed about, trying to stop the bleeding and herd the injured somewhere safe. Safer, anyways.

One man on the floor laid prone, as if he had already passed; his guts hanging out from what must have been a nasty cutting curse. Another, bent over near the wall, throwing up slugs and worms. A woman was being dragged into the back had crows feet for eyes and was screaming rather loudly.

It was chaos

Sirius swallowed, casting a nervous look in Lily's direction. "Maybe we shouldn't waste their time-"

"Siri, you're important. I don't want to hear another word outta of you."

Taking his hand, the stubborn woman lead him past the dying to the receptionist, who had just gotten done with the woman with the crow feet.

Seeing Sirius, she visibly paled. "Oh- Hello Lord Black! I have all my family documents lined up from my father's side so there's no need to-"

"I'm not a Lord," Sirius set his jaw, not even caring to hide his sneer. "If you're going to kiss my arse at least do it properly."

"Sirius, be nice." Lily lightly reprimanded, before turning her attention back to the woman, her own ire plain to see.

"You have my brother mixed up with someone else, I'm afraid," She said. "He doesn't give a rat's arse what your bloodline is; he's here as a patient."

"Unfortunately."

Rolling her eyes, Lily went on, "He hasn't been able to do magic all week. I'm worried something is horribly wrong with him. Where would we go for something like that?"

The receptionist blinked, before seemingly collecting herself. "I'd say head up to the second floor, for magical ailments and maladies. He probably has some sort of illness causing it."

Nodding, Lily lead Sirius away without a thanks, steering him past a grouchy looking man with a fish in his eye.

* * *

"Okay, Mr. Black."

"Potter." Lily corrected, before turning to Sirius. "We really need to have that fixed."

Sirius shrugged, still rather sullen over the fact he was in a hospital. "Jamie figured we'd do it after the war ends."

"Right," The Healer, Fin Dexly, said. "Well Mr. _Potter_, I'll ask you to kindly put on your hospital gown so we can begin examining you."

Nose wrinkling, Sirius asked, "Can't you just.. Take some of my blood and be done?"

"Afraid not," Healer Dexly said, not looking very sorry what with his large grin. "If you want I can go run a sample on over to the labs while you change, but I do need to give you a physical to make sure there aren't any lumps or bumps that could be causing your little problem."

Sirius grumbled, holding his arm out. He refused to look at anyone while Dexly took his blood, glaring at the Healer's back as he left the room.

"I want to leave."

Lily shot him a look, "We've been over this, you are staying here until they figure out what's wrong."

"But.. But he wants me in-"

"He's a doctor," Lily crossed her arms, "And you saw me have a baby a little over a week ago. What happened to 'We're beyond modesty'?"

Glaring, Sirius turned his head up in a haughty way before he began stripping down. Had Lily ever seen him before? Probably, he couldn't remember if he were perfectly honest. But that didn't make this any less embarrassing.

On he had the gown on, Sirius sat back on the examination table, his face felt hot. "You really think it's worth coming here for?"

"People don't just randomly lose their magic, Sirius." Lily said, leaning forwards in the visitors chair. "If you're not sick then you've been hexed. Either way we need to have it fixed."

_It can't be, _Sirius wanted to say. Granted, he _was_ mildly curious what the healers would say.

A few minutes later, Healer Dexly came back.

Laying out several different wands, Dexly said. "First we'll take a scan of your bones, then your muscles and tendons, and lastly your organs. I'd like you to lay down and try to stay still during each scan, or else I'll have to do them again."

"How long will they take?" Sirius asked as he laid back, closing his legs some.

"Roughly five minutes, just take deep breaths."

Sirius inhaled deeply at the feeling, it felt so.. _Strange_. Like someone was scraping a swab over his bones.

"Dear Lord," Dexly said suddenly, causing Lily to jump.

"Nearly every bone in his body's been replaced." Dexly revealed, turning to Lily he asked, "The ones that haven't have healed fractures and breaks, was he in some kind of accident?"

Sirius felt sick to his stomach when he heard that, seeing the way Lily paled. Memories of his mother cursing him rising from the cracks in his mind. Vivid from his extended stay in Azkaban.

Sirius faintly heard Lily whisper, "His parents were dark wizards.. You could call it the result of their 'tough love'."- but it didn't really register. Not while _she_ was screaming at him.

He couldn't focus on anything with _her_ in the room.

Staring at her- that face, so much like his own, snarled up and red in a truly ugly way as she yelled and swore about how much of disgrace he was- Sirius felt his chest tighten, hardly being able to breathe as phantom pains shot up his back as that curse left her lips for the millionth time.

The cruciatus curse coursed through his body with a cruelty he'd nearly forgotten, feeling the way his mother's magic twisted his blood and rattled his brittle bones mercilessly as she laughed. She laughed and laughed as she again called out, "Crucio!"

Suddenly Walburga Black was gone, Sirius being sat up as breath refilled his lungs.

"What-?"

"You were having a panic attack," Dexly supplied, a smile tugging on his lips. "Just stay relaxed. Try counting to ten, yeah? Count to ten, then take a breath.. That's it."

Sirius followed the healers advise, the room suddenly becoming more and more like the hospital room from before. Lily was biting her lip to the point of drawing blood, she looked terrified.

He realized the healer had one of his many wands up to his face, regulating his breathing. Shoving it away he jumped up with a stumble, taking a step before reaching his sister-in-law.

"Hey I'm fine," He said, frantically almost. "Please don't worry- I swear I am.."

"You need to calm down," Dexly reprimanded, placing a hand on his shoulder to gently pull him back. Sirius shook his head profusely, heart pounding.

"I'm fine! Really! I'm.. I'm.."

Sirius saw dark spots in vision as he felt weak in the knees, the last thing he saw being Dexly's wide smile as he lost consciousness.

* * *

Sirius opened his eyes, feeling oddly rested before he realized; he must have fallen asleep.

Sitting up, Sirius stopped short to see he was in an unfamiliar room. It was white and reminded him a bit of the infirmary at Hogwarts, except the beds were lined up with people who were either horribly injured or looked dead. Lily was slumped over in a visiting chair.

Oh, right. He'd been an idiot and told her about his problem. Well.. He lied a little, but he couldn't exactly tell her the truth without sounding like an insane person, could he?

Slipping out of bed, Sirius tiptoed over, trying to slip his robes out of her arms so he could get dressed, when her eyes flew open.

Now normally, waking Lily up was nothing short of a mistake. So you could understand Sirius's surprise when she jumped up and wrapped him in a nearly bone crushing hug.

Before Sirius could even begin to question what fresh hell he'd woken up into she pulled away, wiping literal tears off of her cheeks as she said, "Oh I'm so glad you're awake- I could _kill_ Dexly."

"Dexly?"

"Your healer," Lily waved off, "He says he had nothing to do with it, but I don't trust a thing that man says."

"To do with..?"

The question hung in the air as Lily bit her bottom lip, looking for all the world she was about to tell him he had AIDS or cancer.

"He found some of your old injuries... From _them."_ Lily said, whispering the last bit so low Sirius nearly couldn't hear. "You had an attack, the scans aggravated your nerve damage or something- Anyways, Dexly claims you just fainted from exhaustion but.. The way he looked at you afterwards."

Lily shook her head, gently cupping his cheek. "I'm just glad you're alright. Do you feel alright?"

Sirius blinked, trying to force a smile as he said. "Of course, better than ever now that I've actually slept a bit- I had been going on empty for a while, so I probably did just collapse. Are you okay?"

Lily laughed, "Okay? Siri you're the one who fainted."

"Yeah, but you had a baby just a little while ago." Sirius pointed out, not wanting to say he was worried he might have really scared her. She was only twenty, after all.

"I'm fine." She insisted, "Though, there was this bitch of a nurse who tried to kick me out of here a while ago. Something about you not legally being James's brother."

"Which isn't technically incorrect."

Lily waved it off, "Only because your parents died before they could formalize the adoption. Anyways, we got into a bit of a tiff but at the end of the day friends are also allowed to be back here. So fuck her."

Sirius smiled, sitting back on his bed. "How long have we been here?"

Lily opened her mouth, but the reply was lost as Healer Dexly reentered the room.

"Oh goody, you're up." Clapping his hands, he nodded his head towards the door, "Let's head to my office, yeah? We wouldn't want to disturb the other patients."

Lily fixed Dexly with a scowl before she handed Sirius his robes, allowing him to pull them over his head as they made their way out.

Once they were back in a private room, Dexly said, "I think you might need to take a seat. This will probably come as a shock to you."

"Is it really that bad?" Lily asked, brows forwarding.

Dexly's smile widened, "Depends on what you see as bad, I suppose."

"I can take it," Sirius said, "Just tell me what it is."

"Well to put it frankly, Mr. Black-"

"-Potter."

Dexly simply smiled, "Right, well Mr. _Potter _your tests have shown you cannot preform magic due to a defect in your magical core. Some refer to this defect as the S gene."

"S as in..?"

Lily paled at seeing the Healer nod. "Your brother will simply have to adapt. There is no way to reverse this kind of thing."

"What did this?" Sirius asked numbly, feeling a strange emptiness. He'd known all this for days, yet it was still a bit surreal to have it confirmed. He'd never cast a spell again.

"Several things could potentially damage one's magical core to the point it no longer produces magic," Dexly explained with a smile. "A few illnesses, extreme dark magic, breaking a magical oath. From the tests we've done, I'm assuming it was the latter?"

Sirius felt his heart skip a beat.

"I haven't made a vow with anyone," He denied immediately. "I must have.. I must have just been sick."

"Oh, but the tests would have picked it up." Dexly stated. "Trust me, you'd have known if you had had something that volatile. You'd be lucky to be alive."

"Could the dark spells his.. Could being attack by a dark wizard have caused this?" Lily asked, stumbling over her words a bit. Sirius knew what she was getting at, though.

Dexly gave a shrug, "Not likely, as the only recorded case was when a woman tried to manipulate her own soul for immortality. Has anyone tampered with your soul recently, Mr. Black?"

Lily scowled, "Stop calling him that."

Dexly seemed unpreterbed, leaning forwards as he set his chart board aside. His unsettlingly perceptive eyes meeting Sirius's silver ones.

"You're sure you haven't made any deals? Hm? No one's done a thing to your very being?"

It suddenly clicked. The way Dexly's face was always stretched in that familiar smile. That conniving _bastard_.

"No, I haven't." Sirius said, meeting Death's gaze head on.

"Then he must have been born this way," Death declared, leaning back with a knowing smirk.

Lily sputtered, "That's- He's done magic before!"

"Perhaps," Death gave a unconcerned shrug. "But if Mr. Black is as innocent as he claims it's the only explanation."

Lily glanced at Sirius before looking back at Death, jaw set.

"I trust Sirius, but what you're saying makes no sense. You're either born magic or you aren't."

Death shrugged, "Is it not possible things are more fluid than you previously believed? Why else would some be so gifted while others barely able to make a pen float?"

Seeing Lily give no comment, Death took that as their cue to continue, "If you wanted my personal theory, I'd say Mr. Black was most likely born with a minor defect in his core. The small crack leading to fissures and broken pieces the more Mr. Black pushed himself, the more he tested his own boundaries. Ultimately shattering his core completely."

"You're.. You're actually blaming him for this?" Lily asked, disbelieving. "As if he could have known?"

"I read your file while you were asleep," Death told Sirius, ignoring the human woman. "You were quite the troublesome child, weren't you? There's a reason why you aren't supposed to make your own spells and hexes until you're a licenced professional; manipulating your magical core in foreign ways can be dangerous in of itself, but in your case it was disastrous."

Sirius lip formed a thin line.

Lily stood up, red splotches covering her forehead and neck. "You are. You despicable hapless- As if those jokes and spells actually could have made a difference!"

Death didn't seemed disturbed as she leaned forwards. "Or are you telling me if Sirius had done exactly what our professors allowed he'd be fine? Cause it doesn't sound like it from where I'm standing."

"That's impossible to verify." Death answered, the mirth vanishing from their ever-present smile. "What is verifiable is that everytime Mr. Black used magic he stressed that breaking point in his defect. The stronger the spell, the bigger the jab must have been."

Death waved his wand, which Sirius realized was the same wand he used back in the future- or, well his past. Before all this time travel bullshit.

With the wave of Snape's wand, which Sirius won fair and square, a circular orb appeared; it was white, and perfectly round.

"This is what a normal magical core should look like," Death explained. Then, they flicked their wand and the tip lit up, the orb rippling before settling back down. "As you can see normal spells have little to no effect."

Death the grinned and lightning erupted from the tip, forcing the two humans to cover their faces and back up. Through his fingers, Sirius could see the way the orb swirled and spun, like how a kiddie pool might when you try to make a tidal wave.

"As you can see-" Death called over the light show, the sparks dying down. "Experimental and less uniform spells jostle it, but it's capable of handling the strain."

Death met Lily's eyes, and with a flick of their stolen wand they transformed the orb; it shrunk, and had a noticeable indention in the top of it.

"That's what mine looks like?" Sirius asked, staring at it with a morbid fascination.

"Perhaps in the beginning," Death replied. "I don't think you'd want to see what it looks like in it's current state. It'd only upset you."

Well. _That's_ reassuring.

Death flick their wrist, and their chart floated back to their hand. The orb tried to ripple, but when it came to the indention it bounced back, right back into another ripple; creating this odd current that switched between bouncing off of itself and the indention.

"As you can see, even a simple spell would put stress on your core. This would force it to create more raw magic for you to utilize, but also risk disturbing the fragile imperfection."

Death's wand lit up with sparks again, but neither Lily nor Sirius turned away; both watching the way the orb twisted and crackled like the sea during an angry and bitter storm. The indention being pulled and yanked until it grew and grew.

Lily found herself sitting back down, taking Sirius's hand as she processed what she was seeing.

"As you can now see, Mrs. Potter." Halting the spell, Death met the human woman's green eyes. "To put true strain on the imperfection, as innocent as the intentions, ripped your brother-in-law's core to shreds. Slowly but surely."

Sirius leaned into her, wishing Death wouldn't talk about it like that. Why couldn't they have just said it was due to illness? Or a hex?

In fact, why was Death here anyways? Just what kind of game were they playing?

"I'm afraid there is nothing we can do."


	8. Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius wishes things could be simple

**(I don't own Harry Potter or its characters, only this fanfiction's plot)**

* * *

Silence accompanied the pair as they left St. Mungo's.

Popping back in Godrics Hollow, Sirius rubbed his arms, feeling strangely cold in the summer air.

It was nearly sundown now. They must have been gone all day.

"Are you feeling alright?" Lily asked, speaking up for the first time since they left the deity's office. Her eyes looking him over as if expecting to find some gaping wound, "I know James apparated with you before, but.."

"Lily, I'm fine." Sirius silently willed her to believe him, "Wizards apparate with their muggle spouses all the time, it's not going to hurt me."

Lily nodded, swallowing thickly as she tried to stay composed. Sirius wasn't fooled.

Her face was pale and red splotches decorated her forehead and neck; she was obviously upset, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why. He must have her worried sick.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk," He thought aloud, gesturing awkwardly to the nearby woods. "You know.. Clear my head some."

Panic flickered in Lily's eyes, gently grabbing his wrist before he could run off.

"No, you can't! It's not safe, there are probably Death Eaters out an about and it's nearly dark and you _can't-"_

She broke off, _You can't defend yourself_. Hanging in the air

"I won't be gone long, maybe an hour at most." Sirius tried to give her a reassuring smile, "I can still handle myself, Lil's."

"Can I at least come with you? I don't... You might get lost." She tried again, a bit pathetically.

"I know these woods," He gently cupped her cheek, thumbing away invisible tears that she wouldn't let herself shed. Not in front of him, anyways. "I promise I'll only be a shout away. Plus, Jamie is probably ripping his hair out wondering where you've been."

"He'll want to see you two," She murmured, "He needs to know."

Sirius could already tell that wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.

"I know, I just.." Sirius sighed, pulling away from her. Taking a step back as she tried to reach for him again, "I need to think it all over, please just understand that."

He didn't give her a chance to rebut him again. Sirius already knew she wasn't about to let him go out in the big bad world with nothing but his fists for protection.

The fact Lily was still recovery from child birth was probably the only reason she didn't chase after him and drag him back into the safety of the cottage.

He figured James would probably track him down within the hour, give or take thirty minutes depending on how much Lily told him and how much James believed it.

After a few minutes of running Sirius settled into a nice, easy jog. He'd normally clear his head as Padfoot, rushing through bushes and bothering the local wildlife, but he couldn't do that anymore.

He would never be able to, so his human legs would have to do. Forcefully simplifying the matter in his head would have to replace the simplicity that came with being a dog.

_If I hadn't done this, Harry would be dead._ He chanted to himself, like an inner mantra. _Harry life matters more than any 'inner core'_

Passing a creek Sirius slowed down, eyes drawing to the fish that swam past. Over rocks and on their way to wherever dozens of thousands of years of pure ingrained instinct was telling them to go.

Why couldn't his life be that simple? Why couldn't he just follow his set path and accept it like that?

"Because," A familiar voiced called from behind him. "You're not a simple fish, Sirius Black."

Sirius should have been more afraid of being in the presence of Death, especially when they wore his face.

Crouching down, Death poked one of the passing salmon with the tip of their new wand. The fish immediately sunk to the rocky bottom of the brook.

"They die, and they accept it." Death gave the corpse a nudge with their wand. "There is no fight. They don't plead their cases to me on where they should go. They have no concept of life after me."

Gesturing to all the fish swimming past their fallen comrade, Death let out a mirthless chuckle. "They barely even acknowledge the fact that one of their own lay, decomposing mere inches away from them. It only matters in terms of their own survival. That, is the selfishness of existence in it's simplest form."

Sirius nearly flinched as Death turned to him, grey eyes meeting grey eyes. "Humans, on the other hand, are a representation of the most complex form of selfishness. You plan, you scheme, you even go as far as to make it seem like your actions are indeed selfless; but most of you always have another motive. Most willing to damn ten people if it means your own individual salvation."

Sirius hesitantly crouched down next to Death, watching the fish swim past the dead without a second glance.

"You're different." Death stated, as if he were simply saying the water before them was wet. "I've thought it over countless times, but your actions are almost never selfish. You could have stayed away from this war originally, been the perfect pureblood son. Married well, had a boring but acceptable life; it's what I expected of you."

Death eyes narrowed, "Yet, you chose to push, and you pushed and you pushed even when it _hurt_. Until you broke free of that comfortable life fate granted you and you continued to push your way to the front lines of a war you had no stake in. At first, when you refused to be the Potters secret keeper, I assumed it was for the very selfishness most humans use to guide their actions in one way or another."

"I didn't," Sirius spoke up for the first time. "I was a diversion. I knew I probably wasn't going to make it through this war, and the Fidelius Charm sealed that fate regardless of whether or not I was involved."

Death nodded, "You didn't say that, though. You smile and accepted me like you accepted me a mere week ago. Most humans can't do that."

Silence fell upon them for a few moments, before Sirius finally asked what he desperately wanted to know, "Why were you there?"

Death smile widened slightly, turning to look up into the canopy above them both.

"You, whether you realize it or not, are important in the grand scheme of things. So, I decided to help you."

_"Help me?"_ Sirius asked incredulously.

"A human healer wouldn't have even thought to guess what I spoke as truth. Leaving only two possibilities which would leave you in a most unfavorable position." Death shrugged, closing their eyes, "So I took possession of a freshly made corpse and played doctor for the day, think of it as a favor."

Sirius blanched, Dexly had been...?

"I prefer your skin, though." Death commented, as if he were speaking of the weather. They extended their hand and flexed their fingers, "It feels comfortable, and without that nagging feeling of decay."

"Thank you..?"

Patting him on the shoulder, Death stood up. "This has been a nice talk, but I'm afraid I have to go. You're about to have company."

"Wait-!"

Death flashed him toothy grin and disappeared before Sirius could even get a second word out.

Looking down at the water, Sirius could hear James cursing as he tripped over a root, and promptly sighed in relief.

It seemed his hour was up.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a competition on Fanfiction.net with the song "Poor Unfortunate Souls" as a prompt, I like to think Sirius didn't die when he fell through the veil so this was merely an opportunity to play it out some
> 
> Not sure if I'll add anything more to this, since I feel it can stand on its own. So it'll depend upon if anyone actually wants to find out what happened


End file.
